When I was in high school, I played Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz and ever since this story has had a special place in my heart. When I decided to write about encouraging confidence in children for this week’s teaching kids about character post, I thought that the Wiz was the perfect allegory for this concept.
What Does the Wizard of Oz Have to Do With Confidence?
If you think about it, each of the characters in The Wizard of Oz are searching for a different aspect of confidence.
Lion fluctuates between fearful and overly aggressive behaviour, because he lacks the confidence to face his fears.
Scarecrow is very intelligent, but lacks belief in himself, or self-confidence.
Tin Man searches for the confidence to know that expressing his unique feelings and sensitive side is okay.
Dorothy searches for the ability to follow her own heart and to learn how to stand up for what she believes is right with authority figures like the Wicked Witch and the Wizard himself.
All of the characters find their confidence along the journey, and they become more alive and more themselves as they do.
Defining Confidence
So many parents that I talk to say that they want their children to grow up to be confident. But what does this really mean? What exactly IS confidence? And how do you encourage it in your child?
Is it what Lion learned…
the ability to face your fears and try new things?
Is it what Scarecrow learned…
the ability to believe in yourself and be comfortable with your own abilities and strengths?
Is it what Tin Man learned…
the ability to express your feelings and thoughts, your true self, and not be afraid of how others see you?
Or is it what Dorothy learned…
the power to stand up for what you believe is right?
I think it is all four of the above!
A Personal Challenge
I want all four of these things for my son, and yet, I struggle with being the best role model for him.
You see, although my whole life people have commented to me about how confident I am (I can get up on stage and sing in front of thousands of people and not really feel too nervous), I struggle with self-confidence.
I often have to force myself to try new things. I have difficulty expressing my true feelings and opinions to others, and I care way too much about what others think of me. What can I do to help my son develop self-confidence in himself?
As I’ve mentioned before in this blog, when I have a problem and I don’t know how to fix it – I read! What I’ve come to learn is that the kind of confidence that I want most for my son to have is assertiveness.
What is Assertiveness?
Assertive people stand up for themselves when their personal boundaries are crossed. They don’t allow themselves to be walked on by others, and they stand up for what they believe is right.
They know that they are a unique person with strengths and weaknesses, and don’t define themselves by others’ criteria. Because of this quality, they are not easily swayed by the opinions of others either. They trust themselves.
They feel comfortable expressing their true thoughts and feelings respectfully, but clearly, with others.
They don’t need to be aggressive, because they know they can get their needs met in peaceful ways. They don’t revert to being passive when they’re not heard, they just repeat themselves even louder and more assertively.
This is what I want for my son!
How To Teach Assertiveness with 2 Simple Phrases
I found 2 very simple phrases that seem to work very nicely for a variety of situations that require assertiveness.
I started teaching my son these phrases as a toddler and now as a preschooler, I hear him use them himself and he seems to have a real understanding of what they mean.
Here they are: I’m not done with that yet! and I need more space.
Teaching “I’m Not Done With That Yet”
When my son, Onetime, was a toddler, bigger kids used to walk over to him and take toys out of his hands and he would just shrug it off and walk away.
I was worried that he wasn’t standing up for himself – although I was awfully glad that he wasn’t being aggressive back! (although I figured it was only a matter of time.)
I wanted to give him some words to say when this happened. So, I started to say the words for him.
Situation: Older child walks over and takes Onetime’s toy. I say, “Onetime… say I’m not done with that yet.”
The other child would hear my words and 99 out of 100 times would give back the toy!
Eventually, my son started to say these words for himself.
The first day I heard it come out – I was thrilled! I was teaching him to stand up for himself in a non-aggressive way!
My son is now a preschooler and I often hear these words come out when he’s playing in a group.
Parents can also use this phrase to remind their own children of another child’s needs.
Just this morning, when I saw Onetime take a toy away from his friend, I said, “Onetime… Jake wasn’t done with that yet” and he returned the toy – easy as pie! It works both ways!
Teaching “I Need More Space”
The second phrase, “I need more space” is great for situations where your child is being crowded or “handled” by another child.
Situation: Onetime is playing on the gross-motor mats at the early years centre. Then another older, larger boy comes over and kind of corners him in. I see the look of discomfort and fear on my son’s face and I prompt, “Onetime… say “I need more space!”
“Space!” was about all that came out the first time, but it was loud! And effective! The other boy backed off and gave him enough room to continue his play.
Again, I regularly hear this one come out of his mouth now as a preschooler, and it’s a really assertive way for him to speak up for himself and his needs.
I also use this same phrase as a reminder to my own son when he puts his hands on other children to try to move them out of his way, or to go somewhere with him. “He needs more space, honey. Use your words.“
It’s just a really easy phrase to remember that suits so many different situations.
Although these are only 2 little things that I’ve focused on with my son, I think they have tremendous power.
What Do These Phrases Teach?
My son is learning to be courageous, instead of aggressive, when his boundaries are crossed.
He is learning that his words can make an impact on others and when he sees that they are effective, he learns that he is capable of dealing with problems himself which boosts self-confidence.
When he says he needs more space, he is learning that it is okay to draw his own unique limits and to speak up for them when they have been crossed.
I think I’m on the right track – although I know it will be a constant journey to help him find that confidence which I still struggle to find for myself sometimes.
I would truly LOVE to hear your thoughts on these ideas and to hear any ways that you have used to try and teach your kids to have confidence. Please leave a comment below and let’s share our ideas with each other!
And remember, if you want to follow along on this alphabetic journey Teaching Kids About Character, be sure to follow our Pinterest board below – and check out my previous posts: A is for Adventurous and B is for Behaved!
Thank you for humouring my Wizard of Oz analogy and oh… There’s no place like home! (had to be said!)
Follow One Time Through’s board Teaching Character: An Alphabetic Blogging Series on Pinterest.
Special thanks to The Fraser Image for the Dorothy and Glinda photo!
Merlinda Little says
Awww what a nice take on the story! So many Cs out there but the one that I really need right now is the one in your story> courage & confidence. Also my son is small for his age and a lot of time he would go home fr pre school crying saying someone did this or that. I would like to make him learn how to be strong without resorting to fighting. I have to read this again when my mind is clearer. This is helpful to me. #AlphabetPhoto
One Time Through says
Thanks so much for dropping by and taking the time to comment Merlinda! That must be really tough hearing your son be so upset about things happening when you’re not there to see what’s going on. Hopefully these phrases can help him as much as they have my son.
Sara (@mumturnedmom) says
This is an excellent post, great choice of phrases to give him confidence and an ability to be assertive without aggression. I look forward to the rest of your alphabetic journey. #Alphabetphoto
One Time Through says
Thanks so much Sara! I appreciate you dropping by and taking the time to comment. I’ll pop by your site!
Theres Just One Mommy says
Absolutely love The Wizard of Oz! Confidence is definitely something I hope my children have as they get older — helping them stand up for themselves at a young age is awesome!
One Time Through says
Thanks for dropping by There’s Just One Mommy! My hope is that these early lessons form the basis of lifelong assertive habits. Glad to hear there’s another Wizard fan out there!
thenthefunbegan says
I love this Sue! If you look at my blog theme you’ll see it is The Wizard of Oz – I totally agree that it is full of allegory and life lessons and you’ve summed them all up so well. I love the way you have found to teach your son about having the confidence to stick up for himself and work things out assertively rather than either aggressively or passively too. I wish I had thought about this sooner as my eldest is already over 4 and a half and we can all get quite shouty sometimes! I sometimes wonder if there was anything my parents could have done to make me and my sister more confident people. This parenting journey is really hard to perfect I guess… #alphabetphoto
Sue Lively says
Thanks so much for dropping by ThenTheFunBegan! And I LOVE your header! So much fun! I’m really glad that I came across these two phrases – they’ve been very handy. I never knew what to say to help my son in these situations before I found them. As for this parenting journey – I agree – hard to perfect. I try not to think about perfection too much – way too hard to achieve. Instead, I try to remember to do the best that I can with what I have right now! Thanks again for the positive feedback!
Charly Dove says
I do enjoy these posts of yours Sue, always relevant too. What a great comparison using the characters in the wizard of oz (fabulous you were once Dorothy!). We have a confident 3 YO and I put that down to nursery, she’s there 4 days a week. It has it’s drawbacks too but has been good for her to build herself up. Thank you so much for sharing and joining and in with #alphabetphoto. Have a lovely weekend 🙂
Sue Lively says
Thanks for the positive comments Charly Dove! Glad you enjoyed the Wizard of Oz ride – I knew there’d be a few others out there who wouldn’t mind the nostalgia! I’ve often wondered how my son would be different if he were in daycare instead of home with me. I love to hear different moms’ thoughts on that subject. Thanks again for reading!